


Not My Body

by writingradionoises



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 06:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5733100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingradionoises/pseuds/writingradionoises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dawn Strider, at age 9, decided she wanted to be a boy. She only told Bro of this and never anyone else until John came along. By then though, Dawn had changed her name to Dave and changed her pronouns. John only knew of Dave, not Dawn. Karkat only knew of Dave, not Dawn. Rose only knew of Dave, not Dawn. Not ƊƛƜƝ.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not My Body

Dawn Strider.  
No Dave Strider.  
Female.  
No Male.

My name is Dave Strider. Not Dawn. I'm male, not female. I don't wear a chest binder. I didn't cut my hair. I'm not a girl.  
Alright I'm lying. I was born a female but I felt like a male. So I'm Trans FtM. Maybe I should just tell the whole story . . .  
When I turned 9, a few days after my birthday, I found that I . . . Didn't feel like a girl anymore. I wanted to be a boy all of a sudden. Maybe it was seeing all the 4th grade boys together and then the girls. Or maybe it was living with Bro all my life. I doubt I'll ever really know. I never told anyone for months, until along came puberty. I wore ace bandages, not knowing it would hurt me but I was done being a girl. I didn't tell Bro, but I had a feeling he caught on once I started to steal his clothes. That's when I decided to tell him . . .  
"Hey Bro?"  
"Yeah lil' sis?"  
"Can I talk to you?"  
"Yeah, sure. What about?"  
"Well uh . . ." 

Things just got awkward from there. But I told him. He helped me . . . Ever since that day I never heard him say the incorrect pronoun. He bought me my own clothes, let me cut my hair, and let me get a chest binder. I just needed to change my name. I wanted something simple that was similar to my original name. Dawn was a pretty name all in all, but not very male like. So Dave was the first thing that popped up that I liked. A couple months later I had started middle school. All of them only knew of Dave, not Dawn. And they never were going to know of Dawn. During my first year of middle school, I started a blog and met Rose, Jade, and John. All of them only knew of Dave, and not Dawn. It was once the game started that I had met Rose face to face that she found out. She caught me with my shirt off, so I ended up explaining. Only Rose and Bro knew of Dawn now. Rose was urge me to tell everyone and to "come out of the closet already." I thought for awhile about it. I never told anyone else until we met John, Jade, Roxy, Jane, Dirk, and Jake. I did end up coming out the closet to everyone. I didn't think to add the fact that I didn't want to be called Dawn or by female pronouns, but that's what most of them did. Only a few picked up that I didn't want tp be called that. Stupid trolls. The few that caught on were Karkat, Terezi, and Kanaya. It hurt every time I heard that name, sometimes I would just lock myself in my room and cry. Karkat snapped me out of this though. Where ever I went, I almost always heard Karkat yelling at someone about the correct name and pronouns. It was one day that I was crying in my room and Karkat came in that helped me. 

[Present] 

Karkat had walked in my room and towards me, "Dave? Are you crying again?" I didn't reply. He sat down next to me and hugged me from the side, "Don't. I get that you probably think we're all stupid right now but we aren't. I don't call you Dawn, do I?" I nodded a no, "I guess so, but how did you catch on but pretty much everyone else didn't?" Karkat bit his lip, his eyes reverting from mine. "Let's just say I was like you once . . ." I squinted towards him, "But trolls don't have genders, right?" Karkat nods, taking a piece of paper from his pocket and handing it to me. It was a picture of a girl that looked some what like him. Only a few differences. She had long hair put up into pigtails by candy red bows, a black mini skirt, a black shirt with the cancer symbol on it in red, and a little candy red eye liner. I looked at him, "What's this?" You can see clearly that Karkat's very nervous about this, he bit his lip a little harder. "That's me . . . When I was 10 in human years . . ." My eyes widened, "What?! Really?! You look similar but this is you? You never wear this kind of stuff!" Karkat sighs, "I did when I was that young. I was born with fairly long hair and feminine features, all in which I hated but at this age I decided to just go with my genetics and try and be feminine. I went by female pronouns for awhile actually . . . I regret it though because it just made me feel bad . . . Only Terezi and Kanaya know that you don't want them to use the female pronouns and be called Dawn because of me." I started for a second, "So basically you're Trans*?" Karkat nods, "I'm only telling you this so maybe you don't feel so alone . . ." I quickly hug the little kitten, "Now you aren't either. Because the body we were both placed in isn't ours. We'll have to live with it, sure, but maybe we should make the best of it." Karkat smiles slightly, "Maybe so."


End file.
